"Dead at such a young age"
by Vance

What a crying shame. It seems this site is completely dead. Perhaps it will rise again in the form of a rhyme-busting zombie with incredible grammar. One can only hope.

"UEF Redux"
an administrative post by Vance Tran

As you can plainly see, UEF is undergoing a graphical overhaul. Mind the mess. Only a basic frame is up now and a better version should be up in the near future.
That is all. Good day.

Holy Zombie BaJesus
a sleep deprived rant by annie!

Urg it's 7:29 am, stayed up to do a stats analysis project. Just finished it by now I have to wait around for the department to open so I can turn it in. Man i've been up for quiet a while with very little sleep. In theory if I hadn't started a 10 -15 page research project at 1am I could have gotten some sleep. But that would or required me to start something early. Eh.

No one else is posting. Why is that? What's up with that guys?!?!?!

Hmmm... should I really be driving in my current state? Oh welll it can't be worst than driving drunk.

Why am I still writing? Should I stop? Why am I typing this out? Damn it stop...

Random
a recounting of events by annie!

Well today (Labor Day) I decided to go get groceries after droppping a friend off. I went to the local Albertson's around 10:30pm, only to discover them closed. What was interesting is that 5 seperate people converged to the enterance at once, confused by the door not opening... we decended to the alternate enterance, to no avail. We started conversing amoung ourselves, a gentleman expressed that he really needed school supplies for his daughter, which I had in my trunk (crayons and filler paper).

As a side note, everyone should try these Quaker Crisp-Ums... so good.

*It was pointed out to me that I was not clear that I did indeed give the man the school supplies. Didn't even ask for money, though he obviously could afford it and now that i think about it I could have made some $$$. What kind of guy would wait until the night before his daugther starts school to get paper?

Ahhh!!!
a rant by annie!

Hmmm... it's been quiet awhile since I have posted. And as I have a book report due (or rather a critique of a book, if you want to feel like you've moved past the 3rd grade) there's no better time then now to start a rant.

On Finances
I've become wholy (or is it holy? that doesn't look right) depressed as I've come to realize that I cannot afford to live in a decent neighborhood in San Diego County after I "graduate". Houses are so freaking expensive and rent is just an overinflated bottomless pit. The best I can afford is a 2 bedroom, 1 bathroom condo, if I have a roomate; in Arizona I can basically sell my car and get a house! I think the only solution is to start a "San Diego For San Diegians!" Campaign, I implore all true San Diegian to heckle those who have been here for 4 years or less, until they all leave.

On Love
I've also decided that people are not meant to be with just one person. Mathmatically it is highly improbable that millions of people have find that one true person your suppose to be with; therefore it must mean that there are at least several people in the world you are meant to be with and it's just a matter of who you find first. Or maybe i'm just too damn cynical for my age.

On footnotes
I think footnotes are one of the greatest inventions ever. I mean you can rant on and on, in an exceptable manner in a "scholary" paper. With footnotes you can have 20% content and 80% rant. What other way is there to go?

On Apples
I've been vaguely tempted to get a new G5 or a powerbook. They are quiet slick are they not. Also this msblaster worm has erode my faith in Microsoft's bloatware to the point where I might be willing to shell out the dough. What they need is to port the OS to x86.

"Inspired By Your Smile"
a poem by Michael Sherrillo

Even this bright and sunny day,
Without the warmth of your smile,
Is but an arctic summer.

"Why not Love?"
another rant by Michael Sherrillo

What is wrong with wanting to be loved? In life, if you want to be rich and go after money, you’re ambitious. If you seek new lands or search for new frontiers, you’re an explorer or pioneer. But if you search for love, you’re desperate. Why is it okay to passionately search and pursue anything we want except for passion? We all just assume love will come to us, will find us... I can't even count how many times I've heard someone say "You find love when you’re not looking for it". Bullshit. If said I don't go out and work trying to make money and instead just expected it to come to me, or said money will "find me when I least expect it" you would think I am the laziest person alive. Why is love any different?
I want love, I want passion. I remember the first time I saw Moulin Rouge (the new version) and in the very beginning the saying "the greatest thing you'll ever learn is to love, and be loved in return". That will always be my favorite part of the movie, because it struck such a strong chord with me. I've always believed that I could do anything, be anything, and it wouldn't matter to me, as long as I had someone who I could love with all my heart, and who loved me also. So instead of focusing on a career to make me happy, money, success, fame... I focused on love. Which apparently is, out of all the available choices, the only one that I'm not supposed to look for. Lucky me.
But none of this does me any good. Because despite all the time I’ve spent studing love, and by extension women, and with all that I’ve learned and know about them, ultimately I believe I need to act like myself, and that is the one thing which no girl seems to like. Just plain ol’ me. Which I am slowly learning to accept. I've given in to the pattern of like and loss that have become just another constant faucet of my life like the eternal rise and fall of the tides or wax and wane of the moon. There is some correlation (in psych, this is a -1 correlation) to how much I like or am interested in someone to how little interest they have in me. I.E. the more attracted I act to you, the less attracted you will be to me.
All I want is to find someone who is as crazy about me as I am about them... someone who cares about me as much as I do them. I am so sick of one-sided people who don't care enough to put any effort or to invest themselves in any way. To love, and be loved in return...
And while I'm at it, why do we need all this game playing, safety device, emotional parachutes, and rules? Why can't a person just be open and honest and why does that frighten so many people?
Does this rant lead anywhere? Not really, nor is there any specific point. Just the conclusion that I will die alone... without loving, and without being loved.

"You, My Friends"
a haiku, by Michael Sherrillo

I love you, my friends.
More valuable than rare gems;
You few, so precious.

"Rat Race" or "Things to Do While Pretending to Work"
a haiku dialogue with contributions by David Zimet

david:
TAVERN PUZZLE SPINE
DAMNABLE CHEAP OFFICE CHAIR
I LOVE YOU, ADVIL

annie!:
ACCURSED USERS
GUESS THEY DO NOT KNOW BETTER
NOT A CUPHOLDER

david:
AT WORK BEFORE NOON
I WILL SO GET NOTHING DONE
ATTENTION: THIS BLOWS

annie!:
ELEVEN FOURTY
THE HOUR OF FOOD DAWNS NEAR
MY STOMACH RUMBLES

david:
PETCO HEADQUARTERS
CHATTY ASSHATS EVERYWHERE
SHUT THE HELL UP, KIDS

annie!:
THOSE SILLY USERS
I AM HERE ONLY TO MOCK
THEIR LAPSE IN LOGIC

"Post-Mo Life" or "I Love My Stuff"
a haiku by annie! inspired by Vance

stylish red and white
give meaning to Vance's life
latch onto concepts

no matter how gross
give him style Trading Spaces
no faux finish please

"From Clay Water Pots..."
a haiku by Confused Shopper #76

Oh container store
tell me what secrets you hold...
boxes for boxes?

"Hmmm..."
a midnight rant by annie!

I feel as if I've been dropping the ball on posting. Been so busy, too many things happening all at once. Can't wait for school to be over. "Studying" for finals, yet not... will bite me in the butt.

"Love is Like a 72 oz. Steak..."
a haiku by Vance Tran and Annie, inspired by A Clockwork Orange and King of the Hill

Lovely Steaky-Wake,
Being with you warms my heart,
It also slows it...

A tragic romance,
"The 'Dick Cheney Special,' please!"
Death by fatty bliss.

"The New Mecca" or...
"I'm Ready to Homogenize My Living Room!"
a haiku by Vance Tran

I have an idea,
Let's all go to IKEA!
And consume their wares...

Age of the Dollar,
Face towards The Store,
Pray five times daily.

"Relationships"
a working definition, by Michael Sherrillo

A real relationship does not involve worship. There is no leader, no hierarchy, no god or goddess... there is no slave and master, no one higher, better, or more worthy... no red carpet should be rolled out for only one party. This is infatuation. This is immaturity. This may be many things, and this may work for some people, but to me, this is not true love. So, I am here and now, for all time and history, setting forth my definition, my desire, my thoughts, my feelings, and my hope of what I believe a mature loving and serious relationship is, and what I hope to someday have. (This may encounter several revisions as time/life goes by)

My 10 Relationship Commandments:

1) A relationship requires first and foremost two very forgiving people. If someone can't or doesn't ever think they are partially wrong, and even worse never apologizes honestly and heart fully, I don't think the relationship will work. This is also true if they never say they forgive you when you do make a mistake. If a person holds grudges and doesn't forgive you or let you know you have been forigven, how can you have room for anythng except bittnerness, hostility, and hurt? Becasue you will both, always, need forgiven.
2) A relationship requires partners. Neither is better, worse, deserves more or less, you must see each other as equals. Which means you appreciate each other, respect each other, and give to each other. Neither is higher or lower, which means the relationship isn't one sided.
3) A relationship requires two humans. This means each person will make mistakes, probably lots of them. If you can't accept that they aren’t perfect and love them, mistakes and all, then you are working with the wrong species, and I suggest you take up sheep farming instead.
4) Each party did have a life before you. There history, good and bad, is what has made them the person you love and are with now. Either forget history and be grateful for what they are and you have now, or accept their past and that is made them into the person you love.
5) The golden rule: Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. Treat the other person in the same way you want them to treat you, whether you think they deserve it or not. Do not treat them the way they treat you! Only the way you want to be treated. (i.e. you want them to call more often, call them more often)
6) Each party has a life outside of you. Friends, family, and traditions... these are also a part of them, and make them the person you are with. How can you expect to be with them without becoming a part of their life? People are like an interlocking ring. These relationships with other people are circles that are all interconnected, with your significant other being the small central space they all share. You cannot connect to them if you don't want to also connect with their other circles of friends, family, etc and become a part of them as well.
7) Share. Everything. Share your heart, your thoughts, your days, your ideas, your dreams and desires, your hopes and fears, your problems and your worries. Why be with someone you can't talk to, how will you ever truly know someone who won't talk to you. Open honest sincere communication is the key to any good relationship. The better it is, the closer you will be.
8) Listen. You need to try to understand where your partner is coming from, to empathize with them and see their side and reasoning. You don't have to agree, but you need to try and put yourself in their shoes; And to do that you have to listen to what they say.
9) Be flexible. No relationship is static, there are always new situations and issues, which bring new problems and need new solutions. Never stop trying to work things out together. Try to compromise as much as you can.
10) Trust. Trust how they feel about you, trust what they do when your not their. No amount of gifts or attention proves or means anything. These only sooth your own insecurities. In your heart, you either trust someone cares about you and loves you, or you don’t. It's can't be shown and doesn't lay in big gestures, but in the small every day actions that show you who they really are. Trust can't be bought with 500 roses for you 5 month anniversary, its in the way they hug you extra tight when they leave, or the way they look at you when they think your asleep. Trust them and let them be themselves, or you will both be unhappy.

*Have any ideas, thoughts, comments, questions, and curiosities? Anything you think I missed, or which you feel is inaccurate or should be changed? Let me know! Just click on the "UEF: messageboard" button under "Links of Interest" to your right and post away!

"Afraid"
My heart laid bare, Michael Sherrillo

I sit in darkness while the thousand-headed demon of doubt cackles as he circles my head. Pitchforks clenched in hoofed hand, my mind is pricked by its sharp and burning blades. Plagues of locust swarm into my heart, violating the tender cared crops of sea green tranquility. Raped and pillaged, these Elysian Fields are ravaged and razed into a scorched desert wasteland. I fall, into a pit without bottom, without end... the world fades to black as I lose myself with no direction but down. I feel dizzy; I feel weak; I feel lost. Is this my own creation? This monster, which plagues me, whose shadows keep my minds eyes from closing at night, whose whispers I hear echo in my ear? What will I see when I turn the final corner? My assailant? Myself? Nothing? These doubts, these haunting ghost of doom and despair, wailing in the empty halls and lonely towers of my unconscious, dare I listen to their midnight cry? Dare I heed the warning that may or may not be? Or do I cast off worry, fight off fear, and end this nagging hand of cowardice that tugs incessantly at my arm sleeve at its wrist and allow myself to honestly feel? Am I a coward of the heart? Have I been scared to deeply to open myself to another wound? Am I afraid because I see the chance of being hurt more than I ever knew? If only I knew why I cannot allow myself to fall... I'm tiered, and if I do it again, I want it to be the last time. No longer do I wish to struggle to float and swim only to sink and have the waves and tides toss me back upon the shores. I don't want to fight for nothing anymore. But I'm afraid to drown... so I stand not moving forward or back, ankle deep, looking out in hope and fear.

"Love"
a haiku by Michael Sherrillo

Coals I once thought dead;
Now stoked embers hold a spark.
Will they catch and burn?

"I Know"
a haiku by Michael Sherrillo

Smile without knowing.
Though you think you see a fool,
You have not known love.

"The Machine"
by Michael Sherrillo

A child’s suffering matters not,
Pain is in and around us all.
Our lives, our sorrows,
So many bugs on times windshield.

Can you we really appreciate
The height of a mountain, without
Standing at its base in awe.
A gentle love will have more worth,
Having followed so much hate.
A man without arms will embrace,
His children even tighter with his heart.

Perspectives change.
Can I appreciate being tall,
Unless I was first short?
Life is not a plateau.
Life is a series of hills and valleys,
The depth of one accentuates
Another’s loftiness.
Anything can be done, felt,
But it has no meaning, it cannot be known,
Understood, realized, appreciated,
Without its opposite.

Believe you matter,
Think you have meaning.
For all your love and hope,
Means nothing alone,
And combined, every father,
Every child, all their loss and love and culture...
Are just so many bugs on the windshield.

I didn't, I actually answered it. There is no reason for the world to exist, and there is also no reason for it not to... it simply does. Existence IS a choice of perception, just like time. If you step away from time, it can pass instantaneously, and you will cease to exist; all that needs be done is change your perspective. And by having or not a choice, I only mean that generally your biological instinct to survive, coupled with humanities fear of the truly unknown, overrides any desire to do otherwise. So no matter your cognitive/emotional wish, it is very difficult to not exist.

"You Don't"
by Michael Sherrillo

Love cannot exist without the taste of hatred,
Hope will never be if you do not know failure.
All is but one, all difference, all passions,
Just many faucets of a singular whole.
The illusion is that you have chosen love,
For love is hate, life is death.
These thin lines we walk,
Thinking miles separate us from either edge.
Take the magnifier off your life,
See yourself from the distance of eternity.
Buddha will fade, Jesus will be forgotten,
The temples of Allah will crumble
As Shiva’s statues turn to dust..
Of what greater importance to time are you?
Time is a pond, we but ripples from life’s stone.
In your family, you’re a boulder,
But step back and see yourself;
From the whole of your city, a stone.
From your country, a pebble.
From the world? A grain of sand
Now your decade, your century. From time innumerable.
You are nothing.
What grand delusions exist!
Becaue light is better than darkness.
Rather I would be miserable in truth,
Than blissful in deceit.

It is here for the same reason it is not. And 1) existence is nothing but a choice of perception, 2) what makes you think you have a choice?
Do live in sorrow? No, I live as nothing, and take neither joy nor sorrow, both one and the same, in it. I am at peace, and that is all.

MessageBoards back UP!

"You do?"
by Michael Sherrillo

Have you ever felt time moving by so quickly that before you can truly grasp a moment, before your own life is realized, it is gone? Have you ever felt the worlds true sorrow, seen it's pain, heard its cries of anguish? Know what all-great minds before us have, that life is suffering? Mouths twisted with agony scream a million screams, of death, loss, hurt, hunger, thirst, defeat... the tears of humanities sorrow, of life’s brutal savagery, will always drown out joy. The only true happiness is ignorance.
Hidden unaware in the cave of denial and self-delusion we grin. We grin because we forget to realize no great forces, no benevolent spooky father figure is waiting for us to become his slaves so "his will" can be done till we go to some spiritual netherworld where we sit in “his” glory for eternity. (Most people move out of home for a reason) There is no higher consciousness of any kind, any god, gods, goddesses, or " spitirual force". We are all tiny insignificant cogs in life, in nature’s great machine. There is no deus ex machina, no god in the machine. Rather, a machina e' deus, the machine is god. That is all. Everything you know, everything you are, all knowledge, all culture, life, society, civilization, love... serves one purpose, to get our genes into the next generation. Beyond that, the machine of life and time rolls on, leaving our joy, our sorrow, our laughter and screams, our towers, our buildings, our churches and our whore houses, our faith, our religion, our "immortal" souls, our parents, our children, us... all food for the worms. A machina e' deus. Roll on.

"Make Mine A Sad Meal, Please..."
A Response to Mike's Post About Depression

I think Mike hit it on the nail. In society we place so much emphasis on being happy as much as possibile, but I think anger, hate and pain as emotions that are just as strong.

Why must everything be static? I mean in nature things fluctuates like population of rabbits to wolves.

We are told that we should be a single weight and something is wrong if we gain or loss a pound. It is not normal for us to not be constantly happy, and we should seek "professional" help to determine if we are sane.

Does a slap in the face not make you feel more than a hug?

"Ode to Tea" or...
"And Now a Message from the Tea Council of America..."
A haiku by Annie and Vance

Be it Earl Grey,
Or chamomile with lemon,
Or even Lipton.

Be it hot or cold,
Crave sweet, sweet tea - constantly...
Fuel for my soul.

"Canadian Capitalist" or...
"More Selling Out for Morissette v 2.0"
A haiku by Annie and Vance

You Oughta Know, eh?
A little too ironic...
Digging that iPod.

"Give a little bit"
Nevermind the child labor,
Thank U for the Gap.

"Anticipation"
a haiku by Michael Sherrillo

Waiting on clock's hands;
Watched, the world moves so slowly.
Time followed stands still.

"6:45" or "Damn I Hate School"
a haiku brought to you by coffee: it's liquid sleep

It's six fourty-five.
Why am I still awake now?
Dreaded tests are here.

Cursed game thoery.
I have not learned a damn thing.
A stag hunt indeed.

"The Night Before Finals"
a haiku by Michael Sherrillo

Fatigue softly tugs,
fight off persistent Hypnos!
Pillow's siren song.

"More Selling Out for Morissette"
A haiku by Annie and Vance

You Oughta Know, eh?
A little too ironic...
I dig the iPod.

Dictate my wardrobe,
Nevermind the child labor,
Thank U for the Gap.

"Musings of the Weary Driver" or
"That Time Vance Screamed Like a Little Girl..."
A haiku by Annie and Vance

Oh, you cryptic plate.
"All-Star Men's Nude Tetherball?"
Can I watch you PLAY?

"Another Date"
2 poems and a rant, by Michael Sherrillo

Another name, another number...
All days seem to pass the same.
One face blends into another,
No one lingers,
No one remains.
Drifting with the currents of life,
I see all, but cannot stop.
I only wish that I could find her,
Someone to float through time with me.

Another name, another number...
One less stone to hide under.
One less rock to search below.
Every leaf I turn, every number I call...
Maybe under the next I'll find that girl.

Another name, another number...
Dating... the final frontier. I'm afraid of dating, which isn't to say that I don’t date... I do, but I just don't like it.
Dating is too much like life... it represents a possible beginning, a possible end, and a present separate from the two...
It may be the beginning of something really fun, the end of something that never was, or the experience of and by itself.
I fear dating because so much depends on so little... they say love is like success, luck in both is all good timing.
I believe I may have the worst timing in the world. So many dates and people have seemed so promising, so interesting... even if they were destined not to last, even to explode in a short flight of Hindenburg proportions, what an amazing ride those few flaming falling moments would have been.
But every emotional bridge which I attempt to cross is constantly burned in the firestorm of bad timing which blazes up torching my poor heart and
sending it cascading into the crevice of loneliness again and again. Why? I used to blame myself, then women, god, karma, destiny, fate... I've raised my fist in protest of each, cursing with a pitch and fervor, with tone and words a sailor would blush to hear. But then I realized it's all luck. There is a reason luck is often referred to as a lady, the way it comes and goes, bringing you up higher than you ever though then sending you down lower than you'd ever go. Vegas is filled with tales of her fickle attention, of her moody nature. And I don't blame her for her swings, after all, women mirror the ocean, in its tidal comings and goings... life in its constant cycles of growth and death... I just get frustrated that whenever luck is a lady with me, she acts like a PMSing crack whore who just got stiffed 5 bucks. Maybe one day I'll meet someone... I figure that even if in the crap shoot of romance the house always wins, if you play enough times then eventually you'll get a lucky roll. So I sit, like a slot jockey being held up by the one-armed bandit, pumping in quarters while combinations of numbers, like so many cherries, lemons, and bar's spin by in front of me. Enough quarters... enough rolls, eventually, statistically, I have to win once... I just hope I'm not emotionally bankrupt before that one lucky pull comes. So I sit, thousands around me stuck in the same casino of loneliness, our eyes glazed from numbers and smoke, all the while, the distant din of money tinkling, or an occasional voice erupting in surprise, keep us shaking hands with the thief of hearts hoping the next waterfall of quartes will be ours. The plink of money disappearing into the void, the humming spin so much like the dry humorous laugh of lady luck, the pause as each number crashes into place, ring ring, "Hi, this is Michael, we met earlier, I was wondering if...". The sounds of empty hope... plink, hum, crash, ring... the sounds of someone who doesn’t know the house already won... plink, hum, crash, ring... for a moment lady luck stands their next to you, an invisible presence, plink hum, crash, ring... with a smile more elusive than the Mona Lisa, plink, hum, crash, ring... before she turns away and walks on, leaving you there. Plink, hum, crash, ring... plink, hum, crash, ring... another name, another number... plink, hum, crash, ring...


The entire site is now wider to accomodate rants! - ed.Vance

"Collision"
by Pool Hall Junkie

Solid and striped balls,
angles all seem so easy,
math is not my friend.

Early Morning Rant
by Cookie Lover 480238289839

Apparently I am supposed to post on a some what regular basis, "vote early, vote often."

Have you ever wondered how many people died trying to see what was edible? I mean back in the day no one knew what was safe to eat, someone had to try and taste it. Especially since there were most likely more plants and berries then there is now. All plants pretty much look the same to me.

If you think about it eatting is kind of gross. I mean you take bits of plant and animal tissue, sometimes break it down chemically by heat. Then you grind it with your own body fluids, and force it down your throat into a vat of stomach acid. Then is meanders thru your body only to produce... well shit.

Hmmm... makes me think that the whole Matrix thing might actually be a good idea, I guess as long as you don't know it won't hurt you. Though I am pretty sure transfer of human heat into any large amount of usable energy is not possible. Science has once again ruined our fun.

"Being at Neither Extreme"
A haiku by Vance "one-trick-pony" Tran

These fears of dying.
They prevent me from living.
When will I learn this?

Hello, anon@130.191
An informative post by Vance Tran

Details about our spiteful little friend in the UEF MessageBoard:

• anon@130.191 uses Cox Cable Broadband internet services
  
• anon@130.191 lives in San Diego
  

"Where Have You Bean?"
a poem by Liquid Sleep

oh where have you been
my perfect bean
never burnt
nor stale
nor rancid

you are full in body
rich in flavor
with just the right touch of bitter
always ground fresh
from whole beans

two tablespoon per eigth oz. of water
which of course must be filtered
you kiss the cream
and meld in perfect harmony

"Ode to Acetaminophen" or... "Take My Pain Away"
a haiku made with "love"

A pounding headache.
Oh the bright lights and the din.
Take the pain away.

Rant of the Profoundly Bored
Title says it all. I'm bored and have decided to lament about things I can't control.

I hate how you are required to make small talk even when someone is profoundly uninteresting. When I say "Why yes Mr. Whiskers is very photogenic... Oh course I would like to see more pictures," what I really want to say is "I am disturbed by the fact that you and your cat have matching outfits. And no I do not believe that you can legally wed a pet. Please step outside my personal bubble." Perhaps it is my own fault for being so conditioned by society, that I cannot make myself be rude. If you have every read Walden Two there is this great little bit about the ablilty to do just that.

It would be nice have my own commune, free from the downward spiral created by the closed-minded, old guards that "protect" us from harm. "Say it with me... Socialism!"

Hmmm... apparently there many small islands for sale, in relatively affordable price ranges. Perhaps I should start a donation page, I mean it works for this girl that's in credit card debt and my goal is not to solve a problem due to my own reckless spending.

Credit card companies are partially to blame. They do give you these great rates for the first 6 months or what not. They're also targetting a population that is not used to getting a line of credit. I guess the average American is unaware of compund interest, the power of math has tricked us once again!

"Work" or "Exploitation of Labor"
Damn! The canary is dead...

scourge of existence
nine to five in the coal mines
all to pay the bills

It's Official, We've been Google'd
An informative post by Vance Tran

A google search for United Elbows of Fury

A google search for Vance Tran

A google search for Mike Sherrillo

A google search for Myrna Perez

A Haiku Regarding Haikus
a haiku inspected by Controller 17

How I love haikus.*
Seventeen words of fun.
Won't you write one too?

* The original verison of this haiku included a line of hex, which was later deemed too confusing. annie!

It's Great to Be Here. Part 1
a response to Mr. Vance Tran's rehashed informative post

I am both honored and humbled by this invitation to join the ranks of UEF. Though I am resentful of being associated with middle-management; not to mention the obvious contradiction this poses to the use of "Comrade" but then life is full of contradictions isn't it? Such as "Art for the Masses" or "Benign Intervention."

Forgive me, I have digressed. In addition to humor and melancholy found here, I hope to bring a dash of satire and a pinch of what it means to be annie!

UNITED WE NUDGE!!!
annie!

"Welcome, Comrad. part 2"
a rehashed informative post by Vance Tran

I'd like to welcome a new member, Annie, to our United Elbows of Fury family. She's has know-how, stick-to-it-tiveness, is a go-getter, and an array of other made-up middle-management words, fraught with hyphens. Here's to more thought-provoking, sincere, and often humorous posts that we've come to expect from the "Elbows."

Go forth and post.

"Worn"
a poem by Michael Sherrillo

How is it, we precious few
Wander on this weary world.
We once though found,
But now know we're lost.
As our own slaves, we labor,
While the world around us fades.

The worlds turning, slowing down.
And ever longer the night does stay.
Tiered heads low stare at the ground,
While uninspired feet grind away.
As we dragging, are weighed down
Shackled all by invisible chains
.

"desire.lust.greed"
a haiku by Vance Tran

Misery through want.
None a truer fact than this.
Wanting misery.

"Shoe Haiku"... or "Uninspired Confessions of the Sole"
by Vance Tran and Annie

Lone shoe on the floor,
Oh where are the feet to fill?
Sad is the left shoe.

"Blossom"
a poem, by Michael Sherrillo

Today I saw something beautiful,
It reminded me of you.


A flower unfurls,
It’s wonder revealed.
Each petal more beautiful
Than the one before.

So much like you,
Each day, every moment
As your heart opens
And blossoms.

"Welcome, Comrad."
an informative post by Vance Tran

I'd like to welcome a new member, Myrna, to our United Elbows of Fury family. She's has know-how, stick-to-it-tiveness, is a go-getter, and an array of other made-up middle-management words, fraught with hyphens. Here's to more thought-provoking, sincere, and often humorous posts that we've come to expect from the "Elbows."

Go forth and post.

"Don't Hold Back On Me"
by Michael Sherrillo

Love is like a high stakes game of no limit Texas Hold'em poker. You play, you risk losing everything, but you have everything to gain if you win. Many people choose not to play because they can't handle the pressure. The losses seem to great and the odds to high to conquer. They get scared and try to protect themselvesand in so doing, lose. The only way to win is to find a partner who is willing to risk everything on you. If neither holds back, both give completely, then the game of a lifetime is played. That is the only way to win in love. If you don't risk your time, your life, your heart... then you will have lost nothing, but without love, you have nothing anyway.
I want to win.

The only thing in life that is certain is nothing ever will be until you try.

" =) "
a Haiku, by Michael Sherrillo

Unable to move,
Happiness overwhelming;
So full my heart sings.

"Ya-HOOO!"
by Michael Sherrillo

Life is like a bed of flowers...
On some days, you’re a rose.
On others, your the fertilizer.

Today I was a rose.
Today I thought that if I could be any happier, wings would burst from my shoulder blades and I would fly.
Today the world exploded into Dolby Digital 5.1 fully orchestrated stereo surround sound.
Today, had one more drop of joy leaked out, everyone around me would have joined hands and bust into professionally choreographed song and dance.
Today I skipped, I whistled... I danced down steps and ran up stairs 2 at a time!
Today "YiPEEE!" was on every breath, "Weee!" in every though, and a roaring "Ya-HOOOOO!" crouched on my tongue waiting to pounce on the world.
Today I wanted to declare from the mountains, yell from the rooftops, and proclaim from the bell towers.
Today water tasted like wine, the air was like Champaign, and the sun was like Brandy.
Today was absolutely spectacularly wonderfully no different from any other.
But last night...

"On Existence"
an observation, by Michael Sherrillo

A fine line exists between happiness and sadness, joy and sorrow. We tend to place one in high regard while looking down upon the other, instead of being able to step back and appreciate the act of emoting, the purity of feeling and expression of which these are just two extremes, one no better than the other. Their differences are profound, while in merriment; we fly in a hundred meter dash with more laughter and smiles than a bottle of cheap champagne on New Years Eve. In depression, times moves like a river of molasses, slow and strong, we feel ourselves moving as if compelled, every motion and emotion having all the rapidity of deep-sea diver or an astronaut on a space walk. We weight a thousand pounds and our every effort is accomplished by sheer inertia alone. The world takes on a clarity very different from the almost to sharp brilliance of happiness. Life becomes fluid; you see the patterns in the faces, the lives and the people you pass. You feel pulled out of life, and instead stand by it watching as a child stands by a river and observes with detached fascination the mundane actions of every fish that swims by. In that you see a beauty that breaks your heart. You see the preciousness of every fleeting moment and you begin to understand life's fragility and ephemerality. The faces you see are like actors, hiding themselves from the bigger world and reality you find yourself in, hoping like children that if they cover their eyes, if they don't see the inevitability of fate, if they ignore the pull of time and the grind of theirs bodies gears wearing, then the true nature of existence, the meaningless of all they do and all they are will not exist. The only thing I ever question is, though they may be truly like children, either ignorant or afraid of the truth, are they any less happy for it? And am I any happier for knowing otherwise? Maybe ignorance truly is bliss, and if the time we have is actually that fleeting, I would trade them all the truth in the world for it.

"Sleeping"
A poem by Michael Sherrillo

I lay at night, unable to sleep,
I her you softly breathing beside.
I can feel your body’s warmth
through the sheets.
And in this moment I know joy.

I turn, quiet as can be,
to see you there
in the soft pink of night.
I smile because you’re next to me,
and for the wonder I feel
now with you in my life.

I watch your body rise and fall
as I gently brush your dark hair aside.
Ever so deftly I lean close to you
and whisper the words I otherwise hide.
Then pausing a moment to gaze at your face,
without rousing, I tenderly kiss you goodnight.

"My Life"
My heart laid bare,
to all who will never see,
who will never read,
and who will never care.
-Michael Sherrillo

I've reflected heavily upon what realizations occurred to me yesterday, a line of thought along whose slow gentle curve I followed, sliding faster and faster in a downward spiral leading into a dark depression. It's a beautiful day outside, the sun is bright, there is a soft breeze rustling through the foliage, a few big puffy white clouds dot the sky like fluffy sheep grazing on an abundance of sunlight. I hate it when the weather doesn't match my mood, makes everything seem that much more contrasted. The day to bright, and my heart to bleak. My feelings make it impossible to have fun while the day makes it equally difficult to wallow in self-pity for a little while. Damn mother nature. I realize that I am a creature of contrast. I defeat myself in all I do and all that I am before I have even begun. I am the hopeless romantic, single, without love. I derive my greatest joys from being with people, and yet I am alone, and with no true friends. The words that came the night before echo through my mind, sometimes with pity, sometimes with anger, mocking, sympathetic, stating, singing... "The only consistent feature in all of my dissatisfying relationships is me." It's not that I don't have a girlfriend, it's that I have no one. That I feel utterly and totally alone. I have no friend to go to the beach with, no buddy to spend the day surfing and gawking at girl with. No partner to sit at night in each other’s room and talk or watch movies till the wee hours in the morning. How many times have I gone to the cafeteria alone, sitting by myself as the world of people, of laughter, of joy, of merriment, of friendship and fraternity passes by. Why no matter how many times I jump do I seem to consistently miss the parade of life that I see before me? I feel like I'm trapped in a twilight zone, stuck between the world of the dead and the world of the living, without the peace of one and the life of the other, invisible to both. Where are the people who care? How many weekends must I spend hours on the phone calling person after person to find something to do, somewhere to go? Why am I the one who always has to call everyone I know to be invited, why out of my dozens of acquaintances do they never call me? Because I am invisible. Because they don't care. I stood on the bridge and looked down and wondered, if I disappear, who would notice... and who would care? Whose life would be changed or lessened by my loss? My handful of family, of course... but the friends who never call, the acquaintances I never see, the people who are only their when they need me... in a campus of thousands, I can't think of a single person who would care... their lives would go on unchanged. This weekend I've tried to make many plans, I've left many messages... and this weekend, the only people who have called are my mom and my boss. I've just finished 8 shots of espresso in 10 minuets, maybe it's a caffeine addiction (my monkey's name is Starbucks), or maybe it's just plain ol' self-destructive behavior, a classic sign of depression (guess that Psych major is starting to pay off). Either way, I know that I am going to close the blinds, and spend the rest of my day wishing someone would call, someone would care, someone would want me and my company a fraction as much as I want theirs. All the time knowing it won't happen, and I'll fall asleep in my room, watching movies, alone. "The only consistent feature in all of my dysfunctional relationships is me." "I am the lover unloved, and I am alone."

"My Epiphany"
A sobering thought, by Michael Sherrillo

I was sitting home... on a Saturday night... alone... eating Ben and Jerry's ice cream... brooding over my consistent lack of female companionship when I had an epiphany, the only consistent feature in all my dissatisfying relationships is me. How many times had I used the line, "It's not you, It's me...", but I never thought it could be true... I guess I just don't understand what it is about me. The only piece of advice I ever hear from anyone is "you won't find someone until you stop looking". ...Riiiiiiight... If I can't find my keys when I'm looking for them, I somehow doubt that they will just "pop up" if I go watch TV instead. Seems logical to me that you can't find what you’re not looking for in the first place. Well, needless to say, I was depressed. Ok, it's me, I could accept that, but exactly what about me is it? I seem to have no problem getting girls numbers, and they generally seem attracted to me and interested in getting together, so where do I go wrong? I know I'm not repulsive (though, halfway through that carton of Karmal Sutra, I was starting to feel like it) but then again, anyone can look cute and be witty for the 30 seconds worth of conversation the number acquiring process takes. I seem to run into my first block when I try to make my transition from "Nice guy she talked to on phone" to "Guy who wants to go on a date" or even "Guy who she calls back". For some reason, I have difficulty getting that first date going. Statically, out of the numbers I've gotten in the past 6 months (approximately 50) I've managed to get 10 first dates. That means I have about a 20% success rating right now. Out of those, I've gotten second dates with 3 or 4. Which bring my odds of seeing a person more than once to about 4%. Since I'm still very single, and very much not seeing anyone, I'm currently working with a 100% failure rating. The only situation of note involves someone who I care very deeply for and who decided we can never be together. If you read my previous poem, you can tell I'm not dealing with the heartbreak well. The ironic twist, like a fork in my stomach, is that I am a hopeless romantic. In so being, I happen to believe that there is someone out there for everyone, and so I am unable to accept the obvious fact that I am destined to be alone. Instead, I continue to search for that which was never there, with the purpose and futility of a bird who constantly crashes into the glass window it never sees. " I am the lover unloved, and I am alone."

"Lover Unloved"
a poem by Michael Sherrillo

The heart hardens; turning slowly to stone,
worn by the constant pressure of loves loss.
To many times pricked by cupids arrows,
to many wounds left unhealed.
Infection comes slowly,
cancerously consuming my hope and joy.
I weep with pain; silent, without tears,
as the winds of time's passing echo in my hearts empty cavern.
My blood thins with loneliness;
My back sags from to many gray days.
My eyes dim from so much beauty,
seen and unshared.
I am the unloved lover,
I am the lover unloved,
I am alone.

"First Glance"
A poem, by Michael Sherrillo

Our eyes locked briefly across the crowded room.
In that moment we both felt loves first blooms.
Before a blink could end the glance,
Our fates were no longer left up to chance.
We circled each other while talking to friends
And though laughing and joking our gaze rarely left.
And finally though contrived circumstance,
We were finally close enough to shake hands.
In charming words and flirty grins,
At what we felt was only hinted.
Though matter what you said or did,
I knew I had to see you again.
Something connected before we ever knew,
Something amazing, wonderful, startling, and new.
Of the future I have barley a glance,
But I won't leave seeing you up to chance.
For no matter the twists and bends ahead,
Having you by my side is my only plan.

"Honeymoon"
A poem, by Michael Sherrillo

In a room, now dark, sits two unpacked cases.
Two pairs of sandles are kicked off by the door.
Two candles burn by a bottle of a Champaigne,
As two sets of footprints lead to the shore.
And under the stars, in the tropical waves,
Two bodies, and two hearts, are one in the same.

Vance's So Far All Time Greatest Movie List
In Alphabetical Order
by Vance Tran

+ = Personal favorites

Amelie +
American Beauty +
Braveheart +
Clerks
Fight Club
Forrest Gump +
Gattaca
Ghost World +
High Fidelity
Momento
Monty Python and The Holy Grail +
Office Space +
Pulp Fiction
Requiem For A Dream
Run Lola Run +
Rushmore +
Schindler's List
Signs
Swingers +
The Matrix +
Trainspotting

My So Far All Time Greatest Movie List
In No Particular Order
by Michael Sherrillo

I believe that to some degree we are an extension of what we love, and it is that which we love that helps us to discover and define who we are, and what we want to be. Following that line of logic, I guess the purpose of this is to share a little of what I love, draw whatever conclusions you may what it says about me.

100 Girls
12 Monkeys
Amelie*
American Beauty*
Boys Don't Cry*
Braveheart*
Casablanca*
Clerks
Dead Poets Society
Ferris Bueler's Day Off
Fight Club
Gattaca
High Fidelity
Life As A House*
Moulin Rouge (2001)
Momento
Office Space
Pulp Fiction
Rain Man
Requiem For A Dream
Schindler's List
Seven
Signs
Starship Troopers
Swingers
The 6th Sense
The Breakfast Club
The Ring
The Shawshank Redemption*
Top Gun
Trainspotting

*My personal favorites, ones that I believe are "Must See Movies"

The Power of the Soul
a poem, by Michael Sherrillo

Throw your blows; throw your words,
Throw sticks and curses,
Throw rocks, throw lies.
Beat at my flesh with your fist,
Cut me with your voice.
Rip my skin and flail my dignity.
Take all I own, steal all which I hold dear,
Come at me day or night,
Quench the flames of life
That burn in my mortal eyes.
Shackle my body,
Leave it on the highest mountain,
Sink it in the deepest sea.
But I will not be stopped,
Still my soul will fight.
You may be able to cease my heart from beating,
Still my gasps and forever close my eyes.
But the passion my dead heart carried,
The truths which my now covered eyes saw,
And the powers that these hold...
You can never touch,
And no one can ever destroy.

I will live on.