Tuesday, February 04, 2003

"On Existence"
an observation, by Michael Sherrillo

A fine line exists between happiness and sadness, joy and sorrow. We tend to place one in high regard while looking down upon the other, instead of being able to step back and appreciate the act of emoting, the purity of feeling and expression of which these are just two extremes, one no better than the other. Their differences are profound, while in merriment; we fly in a hundred meter dash with more laughter and smiles than a bottle of cheap champagne on New Years Eve. In depression, times moves like a river of molasses, slow and strong, we feel ourselves moving as if compelled, every motion and emotion having all the rapidity of deep-sea diver or an astronaut on a space walk. We weight a thousand pounds and our every effort is accomplished by sheer inertia alone. The world takes on a clarity very different from the almost to sharp brilliance of happiness. Life becomes fluid; you see the patterns in the faces, the lives and the people you pass. You feel pulled out of life, and instead stand by it watching as a child stands by a river and observes with detached fascination the mundane actions of every fish that swims by. In that you see a beauty that breaks your heart. You see the preciousness of every fleeting moment and you begin to understand life's fragility and ephemerality. The faces you see are like actors, hiding themselves from the bigger world and reality you find yourself in, hoping like children that if they cover their eyes, if they don't see the inevitability of fate, if they ignore the pull of time and the grind of theirs bodies gears wearing, then the true nature of existence, the meaningless of all they do and all they are will not exist. The only thing I ever question is, though they may be truly like children, either ignorant or afraid of the truth, are they any less happy for it? And am I any happier for knowing otherwise? Maybe ignorance truly is bliss, and if the time we have is actually that fleeting, I would trade them all the truth in the world for it.

No comments: