Wednesday, November 02, 2005

Stockholm Syndrome Blues

by Michael Sherrillo

Did you ever hear one of those stories from someone that just seems to suddenly put everything your going through into perspective? I did. However, let me give you a little history first…

So, my girlfriend who I had been living with for about a year and a half broke up with me a little bit ago and moved out. Now she will not even talk to me. I am not sure what I did wrong, but our entire relationship was plagued with suspicions of cheating. This is ironic because she is pretty much the first girlfriend I have been with who I actually never cheated on. While in retrospect, I can understand her suspicions and worries, I am very bitter about her not talking to me because I think it is because she thinks that I did cheat on her. This makes me wish that I had, because at least there would be a reason for all this. But, through numerous stories of love and loss which I have been privileged to hear in the past few weeks, I realize that she is probably just using that idea as an excuse to do what she did to me and my roommate, which is totally burn us and leave us high and dry financially after lying about how she wouldn’t screw us on rent and bills and whatnot, and because being angry at me, even if its for no fucking reason, makes her leaving that much easier on her. Nevertheless, I am digressing… what truly put her and everything into perspective was a story my apartment manager told Pat and I while commiserating on how betrayed we felt and how we never though she could do this to us. The story went something like this…

Mark’s brother had been dating this girl seriously off and on for about 8 years. She had some kids and baggage, but he loved the kids and the girl and really wanted to be with them forever. However, his parents had married each other twice, and each time had had a very horrible relationship, which made all their kids nervous about the whole marriage thing. Understandable. But this girl kept pressuring Mark’s brother to marry her so after a lot of soul searching and thinking, he decided he did love her and decided to take “the leap”. He bought the ring; they were engaged and set a date. Suddenly, he realizes that in the 8 years they have been seeing each other, they have never lived together. Sure, they spent a lot of time together, but they have never actually shared a closet and a bedroom and house, so he brings this up to her. He asks if they can move in together and postpone the wedding, just a few months so they can make sure they are compatible and everything is okay. He still wants to marry her; he just wants to live together for a while first. She flips. She accuses him of trying to back out of the marriage and in disgust breaks off the engagement and tells him it is over. She becomes totally cold and indifferent to him. He is heartbroken, he becomes suicidal, depressed, but after a few months and some therapy, he begin coming to terms with everything, and though he regrets his decision because he realizes she was the love of his life, but he tries to move on.

Well, a few months later, as he is beginning to get his shit together again, they “bump” into each other one night somewhere. They end up having sex, after which she confesses that she has been missing him and thinking about him this whole time. He tells her he regrets what he said, that he still loves her and wants to marry her. This is on a Sunday; they decided to meet at the Justice of the Peace's office on Thursday to get married. He asks Mark to be his witness. He is beyond excited and overjoyed, Thursday rolls around and he and Mark arrive at the Peace’s office. And they wait. And they wait. And they wait.

Two hours go by, and she still does not show up. At this point, the man is frantically worried something must have happened to her. Then she arrives. With her is a coworker of his, Kenny. She walks up and there is an awkward moment as everyone says hello. Well, all Mark’s brother can do is stare at her ring finger and the ring on it, Mark finally asks if that was the same ring he had given her. She triumphantly holds it out to them, and tells them her and Kenny are married, and have been fucking for months and married for several weeks.

This is the single handedly most evil real person I have ever heard of. The entire thing, the accidental meeting, the sex, the planned wedding later that week, was all just to rub everything in Mark’s brother’s face and hurt him. Neither Mark nor his brother ever though this sweet girl would be capable of ever doing something so beyond wrong or mean, something so truly evil, especially since they had know her for 8 years! All Mark could say to his brother was that “at least you now know her true colors, you know what she is really like, and aren’t you glad that you didn’t marry her now that you know who she really is. You made the right decision.” Mark then told Pat and me the same thing. And you know what, I think he is right.

I know who she really is now, and as much as I still love her, and even though every song on the radio reminds me of her and I can’t stop hurting inside or missing her or wondering how she is and what she is doing, I know that she wasn’t the person I was with. Who she is now, the person who did this to us, for no reason other than the one she made up in her head, is the real Mary. Now or three years from now, she would have done this to me eventually. And though I love her and it hurts, I’m glad to know the truth, and I am glad that she is gone and I am free.

I only worry now about how I can ever trust another person again. I thought that in a year and a half, with all the memories, all the love and sacrificing and working together, I could trust her. And apparently even 8 years isn't enough time. Mark told us that there are no garantees in life, that love really is a leap of faith. But after this, I'm not sure I will ever be able to take that leap again... she wasn't on the lease, she wasn't on the bills, my parents did make her sign a contract for the car... we all trusted her... what kind of horrible person betrays all that? And then justifies it all with some stupid comment my roomate makes trying to cheer me up! I mean seriously! It's called a fucking joke, he said shit like that all the time!

I will never make the same mistake of trusting again.

In the immortal words of comic book guy: "Worst life lesson, ever".

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

You don't know what you do to me.